


to hell with closure; save it for another time.

by sinfuljiminy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Consensual Underage Sex, Drug Use, First Time, Flashbacks, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Tattoos, Top Harry, Top Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 03:24:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6178351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuljiminy/pseuds/sinfuljiminy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Even though he knew he shouldn't, even though everything in him was screaming to walk away, he needed to feel safe in the comfort of the familiar arms that held him in the times he needed them the most. He remembered Harry being there when his parents got divorced, when he got into the car accident Junior year that left him hospitalized for three weeks. He remembered the countless nights where they sneaked off to the train tracks and Harry held him close with connected lips as the train zoomed past them. He grew up in Harry's arms and right now, it was the only place he wanted to be.</em>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><br/>Title from Chris Young's <em>I'm Coming Over.</em><br/><a href="http://hypster.com/playlists/user/demonlarrie?7154009">Playlist</a>.<br/></p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	to hell with closure; save it for another time.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> I had previously posted this for a fic exchange, but I'm not sure what happened that they never revealed the authors. Since I love this piece, I thought I should share it with everyone and hope that you love it as much as I do. ♥ -Zee.

_“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”_

\-----------------

The church was unusually cold, goosebumps suffocating against the soft material of the tailored suit Louis was forced to put on, crisp light pink button down suit resting underneath a black vest covered by a jacket with a white handkerchief and a black tie to top it off. His hair was sculpted back in a rushed quiff and his feet were screaming trapped in the shined dress shoes that he couldn't wait to take off. Blue eyes rested on the tattoo printed on the inner side of his right wrist and something in him twisted, his heart thumping hard against his chest, and his knees threatening to buckle underneath him. _Just two hours,_ Louis reminded himself as he closed his eyes and pulled down the jacket sleeve to hide the ink that at one time used to make him smile so hard his eyes crinkled but now made him sick to his stomach. _Two hours._

A soft knock came to the door before it was pulled open and suddenly Louis heard the buzzing of the other men in the room, Liam nervously pacing back and forth while continuously pulling down his jacket, thinking it was too big. It made him smile, the thought of his best friend freaking out because he was about to marry the man of his dreams, but it also made him sad... and admittedly a bit jealous because this would've been him. He would've gotten married if things with Harry hadn't ended up the way that they did. "Guys, you have about a minute before we need to get started. Zayn's already out there waiting."

Liam groaned softly and muttered a soft _okay_ to Zayn's sister, who smiled and walked back out of the room closing the door behind her. Louis walked over to his best friend and placed a hand on his shoulder to keep him from continuously burning a hole in the church floor. "Li, it'll be fine. Last night you were buzzing about getting married, why are you so nervous now?"

"Because it's actually happening. In a few minutes, I'd be legally married and I'm just.." Liam sighed and closed his eyes, brushing a hand over his face. "I want to do this. I love Zayn so fucking much, Lou, I'm just scared. What if we fuck this up? What if we're moving too fast?"

"You're not. Just take a deep breath and think about that boy that's waiting for you just outside these doors. You love him, he loves you, and that's all that matters. You two are going to be fine, I promise."

Liam smiled and nodded, wrapping his arms around his best friend and giving him a loving kiss on his temple, muttering softly, "You are, too, you know? Going to be fine."

And Louis knew what he meant by that, but it wasn't about him. This day wasn't about him which is what he had to remind himself when he woke up that morning with a heavy heart, breaking down in the shower as he muffled his cries with a pressed hand against his mouth. "Come on. Let's get you married."

The groomsmen all walked out first, Louis straggling behind as he waited for everyone else to exit and as soon as he stepped over the threshold, he saw Harry leaning against the wall, twirling around a single white rose that they were supposed to give the bridesmaid they were assigned to walk down the aisle with. He looked beautiful, his suit fitting him perfectly, hugging him in every area of his newly toned body that Louis noticed instantly. His hair had grown longer in the six months they hadn't seen each other, framing his face like wings hugging the body of an angel. Louis stopped breathing, stopped moving, and the moment Harry looked up as the wedding song begun to play their eyes met, it seemed as if the whole world stopped spinning, too. Harry pushed himself off the wall, his Adam's apple bopping noticeably as he swallowed thickly and his puffy pink lips parted as if he were about to say something, but Liam rushed out of the door and bumped into Louis, urging him to go on before it was his turn to walk. Snapping out of it, he got into position, moving as his feet felt like cinder blocks and his heart felt like it was swimming in the acid boiling in his stomach. _This isn't about you. This isn't about him._

It was torture, listening to the pastor talking about a lifelong love, true love like the one Zayn and Liam have while standing next to Harry who continuously brushed up against him and lifted his hand to cough into it every few minutes making his smell whiff into the air. His cologne was expensive, something name brand even though Louis couldn't quite place his finger on what it was. He also couldn't ignore the rings that littered his fingers which were absent six months ago and his suit looked more elegant than the rented one Louis had on. It took all of Louis to shake out of his thoughts and watch Zayn and Liam place the rings on their fingers, beaming up at each other as the pastor allowed them to kiss before the room erupted into excited cheers the moment their lips met. Louis smiled the best as his could and clapped along with everyone else and waited until they begun their walk down the aisle to follow behind, itching to get out of this church and into the cool air inside where he could breath without being assaulted by Harry's scent. After pictures were taken, he quickly escaped down the sidewalk where a row of limos were parked, getting into the one he was assigned to with his sisters and mom that was going to take them to the reception hall just a few minutes away.

"Are you okay, honey?" Jay's voice filled his ear a couple minutes into the ride and her hand smoothed the wrinkles forming on his forehead as he looked down at his twiddling fingers. "I know that couldn't have been easy for you."

"I'm okay, mom. I knew eventually we'd have to see each other again."

"Are you going to talk to him at all?"

"Don't know." He answered honestly with a shrug, finally looking up at her and letting a small smile spread over his lips. "I don't know if I ever want to talk to him again."

"I'm here if you need me, you know that. I want you to be happy, Louis. That's all I ever want for you."

The limo came to a stop in front of the building where the reception hall was going to be held and it looked like a castle from the outside, large staircase leading up to the doors into the establishment. The wedding party were prompted to take pictures with the newlyweds and Louis was trying to ignore the fact that Harry actually decided to stick around after weeks of being convinced that he was only going to the ceremony part of it to avoid any conflict. But he wasn't going to say anything about it, continuing to smile as the flashes blinded his eyes before they were dismissed inside. Zayn and Liam disappeared to change out of their suits into more loose fitting ones and Louis found himself a secluded patio, sliding out of his jacket to rest it over the railing as he pulled a cigarette from his pocket he'd been thinking about since he slipped it in there. Unfortunately, he never planned accordingly and had forgotten about a lighter, patting at his pants and muttering a string of curse words to himself knowing he wasn't going to find one.

"Need a light?"

Of course. He was a fool to believe that Harry wasn't going to find him in the one place he thought he was safe from peering eyes. "No."

"Half a year ago I would've believed that, but you look like you're relying on the cigarette to get you through the rest of this night."

"What do you want?"

"To talk."

Louis scoffed and shook his head, gripping the railing in front of him and closing his eyes, wishing he had the guts to jump over and into the running fountain below. "I don't want to talk to you."

"I think it's been enough time, Lou. We should talk about it."

"And what would that solve? We'll fight about who's wrong or right, we'd yell at each other until one of us gives up and walks away and nothing will come of it. I'm tired of fighting with you, Harry."

"Is that why you left for six months without a trace as to where you were? Didn't even call your mom to let her know you were okay."

Louis turned around and cut his eyes sharply at Harry, as if he had any room to talk with the decisions he made. "I left because being in the same room as you made me sick, Harry. I left because I needed to be away from the fucking town we grew up in, made all these memories in. Everywhere I turned, you were there, and I couldn't breathe. I left because I couldn't stand to look at your face again after what you did and I was pretty justified in doing what I did so don't stand there and act like I'm the one in the wrong here."

Harry shook his head and looked away from the deep blue eyes staring up at him, running a finger along the swell of his bottom lip that adorned a ring Louis' never seen before. "Where did you go?"

"It doesn't matter."

"I want to know."

"Hawaii." Louis said after a bit, crossing his arms over his chest and fumbling with the cigarette between his fingers. "Went online and bought a ticket for the first place I thought of."

"And that place just happened to be one of the places we always talked about going away to?"

"Fuck you. You don't get to bring that shit up, especially here."

"It was one of our honeymoon destinations. We always swore we were going to get married."

"Shut up, Harry."

"I would've given you the world, Lou."

Louis shook his head and brushed past Harry to walk back inside as hot tears burned his eyes, finding the bathroom and locking himself inside, falling back against the door. He dragged his fingers through his hair and pulled tightly, messing up the quiff he'd brushed it into as he covered his face that was now wet despite his efforts to keep himself from crying. Today wasn't about him, but in that moment, he didn't care about anything as he allowed the pain of a lost love eat him up inside for the next fifteen minutes that seemed to last a lifetime.

***

_"Lou, you're crazy if you think I'm going to do this out here."_

__Here_ was their spot, the one where they escaped reality from, where they went to so they could be alone without worrying about anyone interuppting their bubble of love. The two boys had spent weeks cleaning it up, cutting the grass, planting some flowers to make it look better, fixing the wheel swinging from the tree that the previous owners had abandoned, and trying to make it a place to call their own. They were seventeen and eighteen at the time and it was the summer before they went off college; the best summer of their lives._

_"Who's gonna see us, huh? And what better place to do it? It's _our_ place."_

_"Yes and it's also completely unsanitary. What if I catch an infection and die?"_

_Louis laughed and shook his head, sitting up and crossing his legs, looking down at Harry. "You're chickening out. You promised you wouldn't."_

_"I'm not chickening out, Lou. I'm not." Harry sighed and closed his eyes before sticking his arm out, draping it across Louis' lap. "Okay, just.. go for it. I'm not chickening out. I'm a man."_

_"Yes, yes, you are, my love." Louis leaned down to kiss Harry's wrist before he began to clean the area, smirking as he watched the way his boyfriend closed his eyes and bit his lip, obviously nervous about the whole ordeal. Five short minutes later, the soft whirl of the tattoo gun filled the air as Louis began to trace the overlay of the tattoo on his wrist; a small key to match the lock Louis had gotten the week prior. He wasn't as scared as Harry, even if the boy had the shakiest hands on the planet. The tattoo came out fairly well either way._

_"Is it done yet?"_

_"Almost, love. Patience. See, it doesn't hurt so bad."_

_"It doesn't. Kind of tickles, to be honest."_

_Louis chuckled and shook his head before refocusing on what he was doing. "Your mom's going to kill you if she finds out."_

_"She won't. Summer's over in two weeks and we'll be off to college. She won't see it."_

_"Let's hope not. I'm too young to die." Louis said as he finished, setting the tattoo gun down and wiping off the small droplets of blood, smiling at his finished work. "Looks great."_

_Harry sat up and looked down at his wrist, a huge grin, one that made his dimples pop out on either cheek, spread across his face. "I love it."_

_"I love you."_

_"You sap." Harry grabbed the back of Louis' neck and pulled him into a kiss, their lips meshing perfectly as always, as if they were made for each other. He reached down to grab Louis' hand and tangled their fingers together, their tattoos matching up as they pressed their wrists together. "Promise this is forever?"_

_"Of course, baby. Always." Louis assured with a smirk, sliding his legs from under Harry's frame to hover over him, straddling his waist and grabbing his hands to pin them over his head, kissing along the hem of his shirt. He trailed up his neck, tracing the cut of his jawline and let out the soft sigh against his cheek, squeezing their locked fingers together. "God, I'm so in love with you."_

_Harry hummed, turning to drown his nose in Louis' hair and inhaled his sweet scent. "I want you to show me how much.."_

_"Tattooing our bodies wasn't enough?"_

_The younger boy chuckled, smacking his lips before he spoke. "More than enough, babe. But I want.. something more, uh.." He swallowed thickly, nervous. "More physical."_

_"Tell me what you want, Haz." Louis lowered his head to whisper against his ear, sucking the lobe into his mouth and purred lightly._

_"M-make love to me.. I want you to.. touch me. Please, Lou. Wanted it for so long.."_

_"God.. what took you so long to finally tell me?" Louis lifted his head up to drag his lips across Harry's, tongue sliding into his warm cave as they moaned against each other, rolling his hips to rub their covered cocks together. It made the both of them shiver and groan, Harry escaping their locked hands to reach down and grab the hem of Louis' shirt, tugging it off. Louis did the same to Harry's shirt and placed a string a kisses over his exposed chest, tongue sliding across his hard nipple making the younger man jerk and shiver against him as he mewled with a hand placed against his boyfriend's cheek. They parted to kick off their jeans and Louis knelt between Harry's legs to peer down at him, loving the way his face glowed light red, hands spread over his stomach. "Are you nervous, babe?"_

_"We've never done this before, Lou.. I just.. I wanna be so good for you. Want you to like me this way."_

_"I love you any way, Harry. I didn't fall in love with you for your body."_

_"I know," Harry bit his lip, turning to press his cheek against his shoulder, peering to the side to avoid Louis' gaze. "Am I pretty to you, Lou?"_

_"You're beautiful." Louis husked out, slowly dragging his fingers over Harry's thighs. "So very pretty."_

_"Touch me. Make me feel pretty.."_

_He didn't need to be told twice, Louis reaching up to wrap a shaky hand around Harry's cock and leaning down to swirl his tongue around his cock, moaning at the new feel that he knew, already, he'd be addicted to. Harry's sounds encouraged him to continue, sinking him into his mouth, taking as much as he could as he sucked him slowly, trying to imitate the videos he watched late at night in the comfort of his bedroom. Harry threaded his fingers through Louis' soft hair, tugging every so often as he pushed his hips up and let out a choked moan while whispering his name and shivering so much that his thighs shook against Louis' arms. When he pulled back to take a breath, stroking the cock heavy on his hand, Harry pulled him up over him and pressed their lips together hard in a desperate kiss, reaching down to grab his thighs urging Louis to sit on his lap. No words were exchanged as Harry guided himself into Louis' entrance, licking at his finger and slicking the hole up as much as possible before slowly pushing to the tight rings of muscle, both of him groaning loudly as their bodies were joined._

_Louis let out a soft cry, pressing his forehead against Harry's shoulder as he rolled back against his boyfriend's cock, sliding him in further. "Fuck, Haz.."_

_"Need me to stop?"_

_"No.. n-no no, never stop. You feel so.. God, so good.."_

_"You do, too.." Harry mumbled against his neck before kissing him softly, down to his shoulders, over his collarbones. "Love you so much."_

_They made love for nearly twenty minutes, slowly moving against each other's bodies, kissing, touching, whispering sweet nothing in their ears before Louis came over Harry's stomach with a soft cry. The younger man wrapped his arms around Louis' lower back and quickened the movement of his hips enough for their skin to slap loudly into the air as he finished himself off, filling him to the brim with his hot come, coating weak quivering walls. The two boys didn't say another word to each other as they soon fell asleep comfortably in each other's arms._

***

Louis stared up at nothing in particular as he laid in bed later the night of the wedding, having left the reception with apologies to everyone that mattered as soon as the newlyweds made their departure to Barcelona. Though he was exhausted after three long nights at dinner parties, a bachelor party the night prior, and the long day of the wedding, he wasn't able to fall asleep, tossing and turning, kicking the covers off his hot body only to cocoon himself around them again and eventually he gave up, laying flat on his back and trying to ignore the crawling thought of Harry from reaching the front of his mind. His expensive scent was still assaulting his nose, long locks that he once used to braid while they sat around watching movies all day cascading down his back, pink full lips that begged to be kissed, devoured, bitten haunting him even in the dark room. He felt himself gripping the sheets under him and closing his eyes willing away the memories but they only got stronger as the clock on the wall above his desk ticked with every second that passed. He was antsy and knew that if he didn't get up to do something, he was going to combust from the inside out.

He needed to see Harry. Despite the battle his mind and heart were having inside of him, Louis knew that the only way he was going to be able to sleep at night was to get everything that weighted him down for the last six months since he's been gone off his chest. Taking his phone from the bed side table, he pulled up the familiar number and sent out a simple text to Harry, asking him to meet at a bar downtown in twenty minutes, saying he was ready to talk. It would be easier in public, he convinced himself, sliding out of bed to find something decent to pull on before going into the bathroom to fix his messy fringe. He wouldn't be so compelled to leave quickly if there were people watching him. Once he made sure he had everything he needed, Louis left his flat, got into his car, and went to the destination he'd set the meeting at, waiting in the dark parking lot until he saw Harry pull up and step out of his car. God, he was so beautiful, legs wrapped in white jeans, lower torso covered with a floral flannel, top half unbutton to show off the large butterfly tattoo he got in their second year of college. As soon as he disappeared into the small bar, Louis got out and followed his footsteps, taking a large gasp of the cold crisp air, hoping to all hell he can make it through this without crying or walking away.

"A shot of rum and a coke." Louis heard Harry ordering when he walked up to the bar, their eyes meeting before he added. "And a shot of tequila for him."

"I wasn't planning on drinking."

"You look like you could use a little something to soothe you. Cigarettes aren't exactly the healthiest choice you picked up."

"Yeah, well, that's not the only thing that's changed in six months." Louis muttered, pinching Harry's shirtsleeve and letting the material smooth over his thumb and index finger. "Fancy. Looks expensive. Did he buy that for you?"

"Don't do that."

"Don't do what? You wanted to talk, I asked you here to talk, and I'm just asking a simple question."

"You're throwing what I did in my face."

"Is that not the same thing you did earlier at the reception? Acting like I wasn't justified in leaving town for a few months without talking to anyone." Harry looked away as their drinks were served, wasting no time in taking the shot of rum and setting the glass upside down on the counter with closed eyes. When he didn't reply, Louis leaned closer and whispered softly in his ear, "The only difference with us is that you're still doing exactly what fucked us up in the first place, you shameless, selfish bastard. _You_ fucked us up."

"You're not exactly innocent in this whole thing, Louis." Harry leaned back to look at him, Louis taking the time to pick up his own shot glass and tipped back the burning liquid. "We both did shit we weren't supposed to."

"Who started it, though?"

"It doesn't matter. You can't sit there and place all the blame on me after what you did." They fell into a tense silence, Harry flagging down the bartender to ask for another round of shots as he sipped on his coke and strummed his ring covered fingers against the counter. Louis' eyes fell to Harry's wrist and his heart felt as if it were going to explode out of his chest at the new tattoo that occupied the space where his key had been, reaching out to place the back of Harry's palm on the counter to get a better look, fingers sliding over the inked skin. "Lou, I.."

"How long did it take you to cover it up?"

"Louis."

"How long, Harry? How long did it take you to completely erase nine fucking years of our relationship?"

When he didn't answer, Louis pulled away, grabbing both shots that the bartender brought back and gulping them back without a breath in between, heading out towards the dancing bodies. He wanted to get away, planned on escaping to the bathroom again, but he felt the familiar soft hands grabbing his arms and pulling him back against the rock hard body Harry had obviously worked on in the six months they'd been apart. "Louis, wait."

"No. No, I don't want to wait anymore. Not on you, not on some miracle to rush in and save us. You're a fucking asshole and I can't believe I wasted most of my life being so hopelessly in love with you."

Harry pressed his cheek against Louis' head and sighed softly, his breath tickling the tips of Louis' ear making him shiver involuntarily."I covered it up because I cried every time I saw it. I stayed with him because every time I laid alone awake at night I wanted to desperately end the pain I felt inside of having lost you. Lou, you can't stand here and tell me you've gotten through this without some help. You always used to preach about how bad smoking is yet you carry around a pack like it's some sort of lifesaver you depend on."

He was right; Louis would never admit it, but Harry was so right. In the six months he was in Hawaii pretending to be someone he wasn't, Louis had slept with countless of people who's names and faces were lost to him, drank himself to sleep nearly every night, popped pills, and smoked everything imaginable to try and get the face of the man he loved since he was fourteen out of his mind. "How did we ever let it get this bad, Haz? God, we were so good together.."

"We were and I'm so fucking sorry, princess. I'm so sorry I hurt you so bad."

Louis shivered at the pet name and bit his lip, leaning back further against Harry and reaching up to take his hands, wrapping himself around in his strong arms. Even though he knew he shouldn't, even though everything in him was screaming to walk away, he needed to feel safe in the comfort of the familiar arms that held him in the times he needed them the most. He remembered Harry being there when his parents got divorced, when he got into the car accident Junior year that left him hospitalized for three weeks. He remembered the countless nights where they sneaked off to the train tracks and Harry held him close with connected lips as the train zoomed past them. He grew up in Harry's arms and right now, it was the only place he wanted to be.

A slow song began to play and couples rotated with the single crowd to hold each other close and sway from side to side as the first note belted through the speakers. Louis didn't know the song, but he'd heard the melody before and he started moving his hips side to side against Harry, his head lolling on the strong shoulder. He felt Harry lean down further and brush his lips along his neck, burying his nose in the space that it met with his shoulder. The younger man dropped one hand to press his palm against Louis' stomach and held him closer, so close that he could feel the outline of his cock brushing over his ass and he had to physically restrain himself from moaning. Louis grabbed his hand and tugged it down further over his jeans until it covered his throbbing flesh and the faintest _Lou_ ghosted against his skin. It was so familiar, the way they touched each other, the way they locked with one another like two pieces that were meant to be. Harry begun to roll his hips slightly, grinding against Louis while rubbing his hand over the bulge simultaneously and Louis was crumbling underneath him, spiraling down a hole he knew he couldn't get out of. He didn't know if it was the three shots he took or the fact that he hadn't been able to find anyone that fucked him as good as Harry's been doing for the past five years, but whatever the case was, this was only leading to one place and right now, it was all he wanted.

Groaning softly, he turned in Harry's arms and reached up to grip the sides of his face, pulling him down to drag his lips across his softly as he whimpered, "Please, Haz."

"Tell me what you want, Lou.." Harry breathed, hands grabbing his ass and pushing their midsections closer, a shiver rolling down the length of his spine.

"You.. I want you so bad. Fucking make me forget. Love me one last time.."

Harry pulled away and grabbed Louis' hand to tug him out of the club to the parking lot, finding his black Altima and pushing him against the passenger's side to press their lips tightly together. Louis moaned instantly, threading his fingers through the long locks to grip the back of his neck and pulling him closer, desperately wanting him to be closer with their tongues entwining and twin moans escaping from their throats. Breathlessly, Harry pulled away to open the door and helped Louis in the car, jogging to the other side to slid into the driver's seat, tugged his seat belt on, and turned on the ignition, setting it into reverse instantly.

The ride to the hotel felt so long as Louis continued to drag his mouth along his neck and ear, hand caressing Harry's thighs and clothed cock that wept in the confines of his white jeans. He grumbled for him to wait until they arrived but Louis muttered that he couldn't because he knew that if he'd stop, that meant the whole night would come to a quick end. After what seemed like a lifetime, Harry pulled Louis into his hotel room and the older man didn't waste another second before pulling at the flannel shirt and pressing his trembling lips against the exposed skin. Harry fell back against the wall and sighed a moan watching Louis sink to his knees while fingers worked to unbutton his jeans and tugged them down to pool at his boot covered feet. Hot mouth gnawed at his rising erection, nibbling lightly through the thin material of his boxers and Harry shivered from head to toe looking down at this pretty boy that he's loved since he was a helpless thirteen year old boy finding someone to cling onto in a frantic need to feel wanted. 

Harry reached down to grab Louis' chin and lifted him up to his feet again, pressing their lips together and switching their positions to push him against the wall face first, arms raised above his head. The younger man kicked his shoes off to the side carelessly along with his jeans before grabbing Louis' shirt to tug it off his body and tossed it behind him. He finished undressing him before falling to his knees and gripping the twin globes that he'd missed to much, pressing a kiss on each one then dragged his tongue along the crack between the cheeks, finding the center core of him. Louis moaned prettily against the wall as he pushed his hips back, nails scraping when Harry's tongue dipped inside of him and curved to rub along the clenching walls. Harry devoured him thoroughly, spit dribbling back down his chin from how deep he was sticking his tongue inside of Louis' sweet tight hole, savoring what he had been missing for half a year, a taste he'd been desperately to chase. Standing up after a few minutes, he took Louis deeper into the room and urged him to kneel down just inches beside the large messy queen sized bed, rubbing his hand over his cheek. His thumb continued to trace over puffy lips that he knew he'd never be able to forget, biting his lip as Louis kissed the pad of the finger, opening his mouth to slide his teeth against the bumpy skin and sucking it inside his warm cave, sucking lightly. 

He pulled away and inched closer to kiss Harry thigh, up towards his hip where yet another reminder of the nine years they were together laid, tracing the simple letter with his tongue. "You kept this one.."

"Couldn't bring myself to cover it up after the key." Harry whispered brokenly, eyes closing as he ran his fingers through Louis' soft hair, holding his head in place. He so desperately wished they could stay like this forever; no pain, no regrets, no consequences. If only this were a perfect world.

Louis groaned against him before pulling away to wrap his fingers around Harry's dick, skipping the teasing as he swallowed him wholly and sucked the throbbing flesh greedily, moans muffled. Harry arched against him surprised, knees nearly tumbling underneath him as he gripped the back of the older man's head and rolled his hips slightly as he felt the tip of his cock glide easily down his throat, Louis' lack of reflex still something that drove him completely insane. Mixed in with way he swirled his tongue around him despite his mouth being full to the brim, dragging his teeth down the pulsing veins, and bringing a hand up to fondle his heavy balls, tugging teasingly, Harry was in a state of delusion that only Louis could get him to.

Minutes later, the two of them knocked most of the items off the bed before Harry laid back against the plush mattress and accepted Louis' weight on him, legs wrapping around his waist. Their lips met again in a heavy, rushed, breathless kiss as Louis reached down to grip his own dick, spreading Harry's cheeks with the tip and probing against his tight cock. "Lube.. please tell me you've got some fucking lube.." Louis breathed against his mouth, leaning back as Harry reached to his bedside table and smacked his hand against the wood until he returned with a small bottle. With trembling fingers, he accepted the tube and leaned back to pour some on his hand, his whole body trembling with need, rubbing the cool liquid over his aching cock and any access over Harry's orifice. Large hands gripped Louis' ass to encourage him as he guided himself and slowly pushed his dick through the tight rings of muscle, fire boiling in the pit of his stomach. "H-Haz.. Oh, God.. _Harry.._ "

"You're doing so good, baby.." Harry moaned, pressing his head back against the pillow and sucking in a deep breath through clenched teeth, pushing his hips up against Louis'. It'd been so damn long since Harry's felt Louis' dick inside of him, it usually being the other way around, and the feeling was overwhelming, intense, and yet so familiar. "So good.. keep going.."

Louis pressed his forehead against Harry's chest and began to thrust slowly inside of the younger man's tight heat, gradually gaining speed and grunted with each soft slap of their skin echoing through the hotel room. He leaned back to grip Harry's hips and pushed himself in deep, quickening his speed, savoring every whimper and whine that fell out of the other man's puffy lips, hair draped over his face like a soft curtain, hiding his pleasured expression. A hand circled around the younger man's cock to stroke him with matching pace, Harry arching his back against Louis, touching whatever piece of him that he could, scraping nails down his flat stomach.

The positions switched fairly quickly and Louis found himself laying on his side with Harry behind him, prepping his tightness with two fingers dipped inside of him. He hugged a pillow against him, biting the access fabric to muffle his moans, rolling back against the actions that had that fire in his belly burning brighter. Grabbing the earlier discarded tube, he slicked his fingers up and reached behind him to slide the liquid over Harry's beautiful engorged cock before swatting at his hand, prompting it away. "Inside me.. now.. fuck me."

Louis slipped his hand around Harry's hip to grip his ass as he begun to push himself inside of him, rolling his head back to tuck underneath the other man's head who kissed his neck all the way down to his shoulder blades. Louis pressed himself further against Harry as he trembled, biting his lip with every inch of his cock that was pushed deeper into him. "Fuck.. I almost forgot.." Harry moaned against his ear before kissing his shoulder one more time, hand sliding down over his inner thigh, nails digging into the soft flesh as he hooked his leg up further, switching the position of his dick slightly. He clawed lightly at the H tattooed on the sensitive skin and shivered deeply, whimpering Harry's name as he felt the burning spread through him like slow lava sliding down a hill. Louis felt the other man shifting behind him and before he could even put two and two together, Harry sunk his teeth over the scratched skin, biting his tattoo so deeply that droplets of blood oozed from him and his moans were muffled against his thigh as he audibly sucked the liquid with gusto.

"Harry! Fuck.." Louis cried, clawing at the mattress as come begun to seep out of him, dripping onto the clean white sheets. 

He whimpered when Harry suddenly stopped and pulled away, sitting up as he pushed Louis onto his back and pinned him down on the bed, straddling his waist. "Don't you dare waste it.." Harry husked out, his green eyes now dark and intense as he looked down at him, reaching back to grip his dick and sunk the leaking flesh inside of him easily, leaning his head back with a moan. Louis sat up with arms wrapped around Harry's waist and kissed over his hard nipples, taking one into his mouth and sucking lightly, rolling his hips up in a slow thrust that quickened within seconds, fucking into Harry mercilessly. The younger man's whimpering moans fell from his lips and landed on Louis' skin, like little reminders that would stick with him even after he'd wash off this night they spent wrapped up in each other. With lips still staining his skin, he came hard, filling him so much that come seeped back out with sticky wet sounds as Harry clenched around him desperately. Once he finished, Harry stood to flip Louis onto his stomach, holding his hips, and repeated the actions until he, too, succumbed to the desires of their last rendezvous, the guilt settling in as soon as he pulled away, plopping on the bed beside Louis.

Neither spoke a word as they faced away from each other, Louis curling himself up into the small ball possible and closing his eyes as silent tears streamed down his face, biting his lip to keep it from trembling. He knew this was the end and that hurt more than he thought it would because this time he'd get a chance to say goodbye and in those six months they were apart from each other, that was the one thing he didn't prepare for.

***

_"Harry, Louis! Come on, the ball's about to drop in a couple minutes!"_

_Harry giggled against Louis' neck as they scrambled about in the small closet, trying to get dressed again after what they believed was going to be a quickie, but ended up being a lot longer than that. "You're so fucking smashed, babe. You didn't know whether you were the one fucking or getting fucked."_

_"Oh, shut up. Your moans were proof that I was giving it to you good enough." Louis smirked and grabbed Harry's sweater to pull him closer, giving him a quick kiss. "Come on before we're late."_

_The two of them sneaked out of the closet and headed downstairs where everyone was standing around, waiting on the image of the ball dropping to come on the large flat screen TV. They found Zayn and Liam quickly, each boy wrapping an arm around their best friend. "Sorry, lads. We got a bit distracted."_

_"Sure, you did," Liam chuckled, shrugging Louis away from him playfully, shaking his head. "Zayn and I are the ones in a new relationship and you two are over here banging like jack rabbits."_

_"Can you blame us, Li? I mean look at him." Louis jutted his chin towards Harry and winked, the younger boy blushing and giggling, looking away. "He's fucking hot."_

_"Almost time!" Someone from the back yelled and their attention was turned to the TV where the host was excitedly talking about ringing in the new year, promises that 2013 was going to be a year of grand surprises._

_Everyone begun to count down in unison from ten, Louis slipping back to Harry, wrapping his arms around him and standing on his tip toes to look over him at the screen. When the count down was finished and it was officially the new year, everyone cheered, couples kissed, and people took shots to start off on a good note. Harry turned and grabbed Louis' face, kissing him deeply as the both of them chuckled against each other's mouths and hugged tightly. Louis reached into his pocket to pull out the ring he'd been holding all night, taking Harry's hand and sliding it over his ring finger, watching as he peered down at it in surprise, eyes wide. "Marry me.."_

_"Lou.." Harry breathed out, his fingers trembling against Louis' palm. "You fucking bastard. You can't just spring this on me like this!"_

_"It's called a proposal, babe. Most of them _are_ surprises."_

_Harry laughed and shook his head, wrapping his arms around Louis to kiss him again, this down deeper and longer, their kisses more seriously than the last. "Fuck, I love you. Of course I'll marry you. Fucking tonight if you wanted to."_

_"Mm.. I wish. Let's take it slow, though. Plan it right. I want the world to witness us getting married. Witness me making an honest man out of you."_

_"Ha! Yeah, right. If anything, it'd be _me_ making an honest man out of _you_ , Louis Tomlinson."_

_"As long as we're together... that's all that matters."_

_Harry shook his head and pressed their lips lightly together, mumbling against them. "God, I'm so fucking in love with you, idiot."_

_"And I with you, jerk face."_

***

Louis found himself in the bathroom of the hotel room the next morning, doubling over the toilet out of breath as he spit the rest of the bile he'd thrown up. He wasn't drunk by any means; three shots ran straight through him, but still his head hurt, his limbs ached, and his heart felt as if it were on fire and he'd much rather be dealing with a hangover right now. Standing up, he went to the sink and poured cold water on his face over and over again, wishing he was drowning just so he wouldn't have to walk out of the door and face Harry again. He couldn't even face himself in the mirror as he turned to lean against the counter, grabbing a towel from the hook to dry his face and let out a long defeated sigh, his body exhausted. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, skimming through the messages of his family and close friends, including Zayn, asking if he was doing okay and to call them back, most of them worried about him. He couldn't deal with that right now. He could barely deal with himself at the moment.

Finding what strength he could, Louis walked out of the bathroom with his eyes glued to the ground because he knew Harry was up and looking at him in the eyes just wasn't an option. "Morning, beautiful."

Louis sighed and leaned with his back and head against the door frame. "Don't."

Harry shifted on the bed and Louis knew that man well enough to know that he was probably shaking his head in that moment. "So what now? Are you just going to walk away and pretend last night never happened?"

"That would be the logical thing to do. Or what, did you think that fucking was magically going to solve all our problems?"

"No, I didn't, but damnit, Lou, I deserve a lot more than the cold shoulder right now."

Louis looked over at Harry and his stomach felt like it took a swan dive into the coldest water in the sea. His hair was pulled back in a messy bun, his eyes looked sleepy, and his lips were so pink, full, and kissable that it made his heart ache. "Harry, I don't have it in me to give you anything else. You broke my goddamn heart and it's not getting fixed any time soon so if I give you the cold shoulder, if I give you the silent treatment, that's what you're going to have to deal with."

"You're not the only one that got your heart broken, Louis."

"How the hell would you have reacted if I did what you did?!" Louis yelled and truly, it was the first time he did in six months since they had the string of arguments that lead to their break up, Harry throwing the ring Louis spent years of savings on back at his face. "I felt like I wasn't fucking enough when I found out you were talking to that asshole, telling him shit that you only used to tell me. You may have not touched him, you may have not met him until after we broke up, but you let him in, and as soon as I was gone, you went to him. Forgot all about me and found comfort in his arms."

"I didn't mean to hurt you like that. We were so young when we got together, Lou, so fucking young and I didn't know who I was without you. I needed to find myself, to figure out shit on my own, but I loved you too much to tell you that and hurt you so I thought if I did it without you realizing it, it would be okay."

"And you didn't think about the consequences of me finding out? You didn't feel fucking guilty telling him you wanted to suck his dick then turned around and sucked mine instead?" Harry groaned and stood up to walk over to Louis, but he shook his head, putting his hands up to stop him from moving further. "Don't. I don't want you near me right now, Harry."

Harry bit his lip and from where he stood, Louis could see the tears that gathered in his eyes, his nostrils flaring to keep himself from crying. "I wanted to tell you so many times and before I got the chance, you found something to get your revenge on. It was my own fucking fault, I know that, but did you think going out and having a random one night stand was going to solve anything?"

"I was hurt and not thinking rationally. I just wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me and I didn't know how else to do it."

"You let someone else touch your body."

"And you let someone else touch your heart. In my book, that's a hell of a lot worse."

Despite Louis not wanting him near, Harry moved forward again and reached out to grab his hand, pulling him into a tight embrace, one arm around his waist, the other curling up his back to grip his shoulder. "We grew apart, Lou. As much as I didn't want to admit that I outgrew you, I still loved you the same as I did when I was fourteen but I felt like we were two different people. That's what happened. And I should've talked to you about it, I should've been honest. Instead I found comfort in him with the fact that I'd lost you, when I should've found comfort in you."

Louis felt his nose tingle and he knew if he didn't walk away, he'd break down in front of Harry which was the last thing he wanted right now. Shrugging out of the warm embrace, he shook his head and muttered a soft, "I need to go," before turning away and heading towards the hotel room door with quivering lips.

"I'm going to love you forever, Lou."

"Too bad that wasn't enough."

***

Louis wished that was the last time they had to see each other, without a solid goodbye, with a complete ending, but he knew that no matter what, the two of them weren't ever going to be able to fix the love they once had. He went to their spot, a place he hasn't been to in a few years since going off to college and was surprised to find that it was completely renovated. The lake was cleaned out, the grass was cut and greener than he'd ever seen it, and the tree that the both of them had spent so many hours underneath was now cut down and in its place were a couple benches overlooking the water. Louis occupied one, bringing his legs up to his chest to hug them tightly, closing his eyes and allowing the nature to soothe his body, though he knew it wasn't to help much. It was a few hours past midday and he'd spent the entire morning crying on his mother's lap, finally confessing everything that had happened between him and Harry. She was disappointed to hear that the son she raised cheated on the boy he's loved for years and asked him why he didn't just talk to Harry first before making any rash decisions. Perhaps it all could've been avoided if he had confronted him, but at the time he just couldn't think of anything else but the hurt and the pain. There were countless of messages and emails passed between Harry and the man he met on an online site for _Sugar Daddies_ looking for _Sugar Babies_ to spend money on. Within a few days, Harry was telling him about how he was feeling, that he loved talking to him, and wished they could meet face to face soon. Not once did he mention Louis and the nearly nine years that they'd been together, lying and saying that he was single because he hasn't found anyone worth his precious time. He'd text the man things about wanting to be fucked, be his dirty girl, and telling him about kinks and positions that he'd never even _discussed_ with Louis. He was embarrassed, ashamed, and felt as if he couldn't please the one person who mattered to him most in the world so he'd go out and please someone else. _Two can play this game, _he'd told himself, convinced that it was okay.__

__After the second time he cheated with some random person he picked up at a bar, he confronted Harry and the arguments ensued. Most couples would've ended it there, but they went on for months, trying to repair what had been broken but Harry could never trust Louis again when he was out at night, believing he was cheating, and Louis couldn't see Harry pick up his phone without throwing a bitch fit about him talking to his Sugar Daddy. After a few weeks, Harry stopped wearing his engagement ring and the arguments started being about how he's moving on because he doesn't want to be married to Louis anymore. After that, Louis went to stay with his mom and the arguments became about him giving up on their relationship, running away instead of staying to fight and once they had finally said the words, breaking up officially for the first and only time in nine years, Louis fled from his hometown. He planned on being gone a week, maybe two, but months passed by and he couldn't find the strength within him to get back on a plane and face everything he'd left behind and before he knew it, February came around and he remember he'd made a commitment to his best friend to be there on the day of his wedding._ _

__"I knew you'd be here."_ _

__Louis sighed at the sound of Harry's silky voice, turning around to see his hair now cascading down over his shoulders again, torso clad in a simple grey t-shirt and legs hugged by skinny black jeans before coming to his brown boots. The rings and necklaces weren't his; it wasn't how he remembered Harry from his months ago. _His Harry_ was gone. "Did you come looking for me or is this just a coincidence?"_ _

__"Figured I'd come say goodbye." Harry shrugged and pushed the glasses that covered half his face back over his hair, eyes squinting against the sun. "Got a plane to catch in a few hours."_ _

__"Where are you going?"_ _

__"LA. I.. uh, live there now."_ _

__Louis nodded, his throat becoming dry as he stretched his legs out in front of him, not realizing how sore they were and he wondered how long he'd been sitting there in that position. "That.. m-must be nice."_ _

__Harry didn't reply and the air became thick with silence for a few minutes before he walked around the bench to kneel down between Louis' legs, taking hold of his hands. "I want you to know that I never told anyone about what happened between us. I wanted you to be able to defend yourself and dragging your name through the mud just.. It seemed so wrong to me. We've been through too much in the last nine years for me to hold any ugly feelings towards you and I just.. Fuck, Louis, I just wish I could take it all back. I was so stupid."_ _

__Louis smiled sadly and brought a hand up to stroke Harry's cheek, leaning in to press their lips lightly together, but it was enough to send a tingling shiver down his spine that settled in each vertebrae. "I know, but maybe it's for the best. You're right about us growing apart, about us needing to find out who were without each other and we couldn't do that because of how much love we held between us. To be honest, I'm still trying to figure out who I am, but you've shown me in the last day that you're so much more sure of yourself. Your clothes, your accessories, your hair.." Louis smiled and peered up to run his fingers through the long black locks, pressing his forehead against Harry's. "All I want for you is to be happy and if he makes you happy then.. I'm happy."_ _

__"Are you, though?"_ _

__"No." Louis answered honestly, pulling away to give Harry a half smile, brushing his thumb over his lips. "But one day, I will be. It takes time."_ _

__They stayed in that position for what felt like a lifetime. Even as an elderly couple walked by and fed the ducks that now occupied the lake, even as a few older kids kicked around a ball behind them, the earth continuing to spin on its axis, they stayed and touched and kissed and allowed those few tears to tickle down their eyes, landing soundlessly against their clothes as momentary reminders of their last moments spent together. Harry was the first to move, standing up and pulling Louis to him, hugging him so tightly that it nearly knocked the wind out of his lungs, but he didn't mind. If he were to give his last breath to everyone on this earth, it would be Harry. "I love you so fucking much, Louis Tomlinson."_ _

__"I love you, Harry Styles."_ _

__They kissed; and it wasn't the deepest nor the softest nor the best, but they both knew it was going to be the most memorable, just as their first kiss behind the school when they nervously pressed their lips against each other and blushed horribly before walking back inside to head to class._ _

__"I'll see you later, yeah?"_ _

__"Maybe in another lifetime." Louis responded with a crooked smile._ _

__"Goodbye, my love."_ _

__"Bye.."__

***

_Harry's laugh pierced through the air as he ran down the empty hallway, bare feet clattering against the tile floor. "Lou, this place is amazing! Are you sure we're not going to get in trouble?"_

_"We're not going to get trouble." He assured, closing the door behind him before running up to Harry and grabbing him from behind, giving him a few spins before setting him on his feet. "Stop growing, you ass. You're leaving me hanging down here."_

_"Not my fault you got the short gene." Harry stuck his tongue out at his boyfriend and grabbed his hand to pull him deeper into the abandoned building. "Come on, I want to see the roof." Moments later, they were stepping out the second floor window to climb onto the roof, crawling to the very top where they laid down, Louis wrapping Harry in his arms, the younger boy's head placed on his chest. The stars were bright tonight and a full moon was out and they had promised each other a year ago when they met that they'd always sleep under the sky when it was a full moon. It was a tradition they had set for no reason and yet they had many of those. "Do you think it's possible to count every star in the sky, Lou?"_

_Louis smiled and his head rolled against his arm that rested underneath it. "No way. It would take forever to count all those stars."_

_"Perhaps we should." Harry chuckled, turning to look up at Louis with a dimpled smile. "If we're too busy counting stars, you'll never be able to leave me."_

_"Who ever said I was going to leave you?" Louis booped his nose and kissed his forehead, mumbling against it. "You're stuck with me, kiddo. Till the end of time."_

_"I'll start counting now then. Just to be sure."_

_Their lips met in the sweetest embrace and underneath they stars they fell asleep, hopeful that one day they'd finish counting the stars together and everything in the world would be completely alright._


End file.
